Poetry - PRIDE

He, She, They, Them. Whatever your pronoun you are here.

Been around for thousands of years.

Nothing new, but the empowering “WE ARE HERE!”

Stop the hate. Love is Love. That’s all that matters here.

You can be

Lesbian,

Gay,

Bi,

Trans,

Queer,

Intersexual,

Asexual,

Non-Binary.

Always HUMAN.

I see you. I hear you. I support you.

You are family. You are my best friend. You are a coworker. You are HUMAN.

PRIDE in your strength. PRIDE in your pain. PRIDE in your story. PRIDE for continuing the fight for EQUALITY.

Wear YOU proudly.

I will stand with you ‘till the final days come.

Young. Wild. & Growing. - One Year Life Change Anniversary

One year ago, I moved out of my parent’s house for the first time. It was a HUGE leap of faith and it has been one of the biggest life changes I have made thus far. I want to take this time to reflect on the past year and how much things can change in a year, and how much a person can change.


Making my move to Seattle was scary, stressful, and filled with many new adventures. In this past year I have seen myself grow immensely and have gained and developed my independence more than I could have imagined. Moving to a new state, not really knowing anyone and so far away from everything I knew, was like jumping into the middle of the ocean with no life vest and all I had to rely on was my strength and willingness to keep my head above water.


The majority of my life here in Seattle has been amazing in many ways. I have never really been the one to manage my money very well, but moving out on my own has forced me to manage my money and know when to splurge and when not to splurge on myself (Thank you Mama!). I have learned to balance the checkbook and make sure that my bills are paid first, buy the things that I need, like groceries or maintenance on my car, and then put money aside when I can. I have also cut spending money on food outings, this doesn’t happen as often as it did when I was living at home. Now, I tell myself “Aye comida en la casa”, just like my mother used to tell me all the time. As a result, when I do decide to go out to eat I appreciate it more. Since I have stopped buying outside food, I started cooking more. I have always been a cook, but living on my own has forced me to prepare my meals, and experiment with more recipes.


As a Latina, weekends were meant for cleaning, and just when I thought I would be able to sleep in, nope, Mama would blast Spanish music as a sign to wake up and clean! I used to despise cleaning and I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax the rest of the weekend if I didn’t get my chores done. Now, living on my own, I fully understand the pleasure of having a clean house. Although, unlike living with my Mama, I had to clean up right away and would get in trouble if I didn’t do something right away, now living on my own, I get to choose when I want to get my chores done. However, it never really lasts more than a few days. Once I start to see things accumulate, I get ancy and have to clean it. I have also noticed, living with roommates, that I CAN NOT STAND a messy kitchen. I found myself constantly cleaning the kitchen, because one of my roommates would almost never clean up after herself. So, thank you Mama for passing the OCD cleaning gene. HA!


One of my goals when I moved out here was to gain a position where I can grow and develop my career. I was giving myself one year to accomplish this goal, and luckily, I made the cutoff a few months shy of a year. I have my foot in the door with a great company and an even greater team that lets me take on tasks more than my job description. They are also very open and willing to help me grow and develop my skills and for that I am truly grateful. I have worked my butt off to get where I am and to finally see my past struggles and frustrations lead me to here, is truly so overwhelmingly humbling. Don’t know what’s to come in the future but I can say that the path looks awesome!


Overall, this past year has shown me how much I can grow and has given me the experience I needed to grow as an adult. There have been many other highlights throughout this past year, which you can read about in past posts, or just haven’t been told yet. Everything happens for a reason and I was meant to make this life change. I don’t know where this next year will take me, but I know that I am going into it head strong and open to change. Change is unnerving, but if we aren’t open to it, we may miss out on something amazing!

 

Young. Wild. & Women. - The Power of Red

In honor of Women's Month, I have decided to do a little research, and landed upon something I use pretty consistently, lipstick, more specifically, RED lipstick.

There have been many women throughout our time, both animated and real life, that have made a staple with the color red. Some of which include: Marilyn Monroe, Rosie the Riveter, Madonna, Betty Boop, Christina Aguilera, and the ones said to have started it all, ancient Sumerian woman and men.


Iconic Faces and Advancements of Lipstick

One of the most iconic women of ancient times was Cleopatra. She was said to have crushed bugs such as beetles and ants to get the right color of red. Because the process of creating these ancient lip stains, the phrase “Kiss of Death” was created because of the harmful mixture of fucus-algin, iodine, and bromine mannite that  Egyptian women used to create lipstick. Highly toxic, the concoction often led to serious illness and sometimes death (History Of Red Lipstick; Taylor Barringer - https://www.elle.com/beauty/makeup-skin-care/tips/g8050/red-lipstick/?slide=1 ).

However as time went by, the process of making lipstick was a little safer to wear. In the sixteenth century, Queen Elizabeth 1 was the first known woman to make cosmetics popular by applying pale face makeup and bright crimson lips which she got from a mix of beeswax and plants. It was said that Medieval Europeans believed that lipstick and cosmetics warded off death which is a huge possibility why Queen Elizabeth’s handmaidens applied this to her face even after death.

In the turn of the century and the majority of the nineteenth century, only particular woman were meant to wear makeup, prostitutes and actors. Such actors as Sarah Bernhardt, who also wore it out in public which was highly taboo at the time. Therefore, makeup being considered non-acceptable for respectful woman.

Be that as it may, by the end of the nineteenth century the first lipstick was sold and manufactured by French company, Guerlain. This lipstick was made from deer tallow, castor oil, and beeswax and covered in silk paper. In the states, lipstick was colored with carmine dye and did not come in a tube and was applied with a blush brush. Until 1915, when Maurice Levy invented the first metal lipstick tube and in 1923 the first swivel lipstick tube was patented by James Bruce Mason Jr. Soon companies like Chanel and Max Factor grabbed hold of this and started to create their own lipsticks.


Advertisements, Propaganda, and Women’s Sexuality

The 1930s brought in a boom of sales for lipstick. Helena Rubenstein, founder of Helena Rubenstein makeup, was  the first to advertise lipstick as having sun protection. Also during this time, manufacturers deemed  lipstick ‘an important part of the war effort’, urging women to do their part and buy lipstick (History Of Red Lipstick; Taylor Barringer - https://www.elle.com/beauty/makeup-skin-care/tips/g8050/red-lipstick/?slide=1).  Which then later brought to fame Rosie the Riveter, who was used for a campaign to recruit female workers for defense industries during World War II, and has since become one of the most iconic woman in the workforce and later for the Women's Suffrage Movement.

Coming into the 1950s, companies such as Revlon, created the idea that women shouldn’t just wear lipstick for others and their husbands, but to make themselves feel beautiful, sexy, and to cater to their personality. Revlon’s Fire and Ice Campaign was revolutionary in many ways, such as being the first print ad to tie makeup to sexuality and captivating copy to cater to that idea—

"What is the American girl made of? Sugar and spice and everything nice? Not since the days of the Gibson Girl! There's a new American Beauty...she's  tease and temptress, siren and gamin, dynamic and demure." The idea was  that women had multitudes to them, where they were both hot and cold,  passionate and cool. "Men find her slightly, delightfully baffling.  Sometimes a little maddening. Yet they admit she's easily the most exciting woman in all the world!"  (The Most Famous Beauty Campaigns In History; Marlen Komar - https://www.bustle.com/p/the-9-most-famous-beauty-campaigns-in-history-will-probably-surprise-you-62818).

The woman featured in the ad was then It Girl and model Dorian Leigh. She was done up in a silky silver gown wrapped glamorously by a red carpet, her lips and nails painted a scarlet red. Her looks considered to look like fire and ice, thus targeting women as such. This ad was revolutionary because it focused on the lip color and was the first solo placement of a woman in an ad. The ad implying that applying lipstick was something a woman did for her  pleasure and no one else.

Such ads like these brought into play one of the most iconic red lips and sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe. Famous for playing the comic “blonde bombshell”, Monroe was also known to influence woman and to grab hold of their personal beauty and sexualities. Till this day Monroe is still considered to trend set the beauty industry and the classic “bombshell” look.


Lips Now

Throughout the years and now, lip colors have fluctuated in style and color. There are a broader range of colors, textures, and finishes, such as-lipsticks, liquid lipstick, gloss, matte finishes, and stains-red is still a consistent color of classic boldness and sexiness.

Woman now wear lipstick for a variety of reasons. To feel sexy, confident, to add a little pop of color to the face, to complete an outfit, to wear for that special occasion and more. But most importantly, the history of lipstick and makeup have taught woman that we can embrace our sexualities and personalities. Every woman is different in this factor, some like a soft look during the day and a bold look in the evening. There are no set rules, whatever her pleasure may be she is able to wear, or not wear. Lipstick being a small product item but a major pinnacle point in women's history.



Poetry - Double Standards

She cries, she's too sensitive.

She gets angry, she's dramatic.

She speaks her mind she' a bitch.

She shares her feelings, yet there are still those who don’t care to understand.

 

Be more like a man, but work twice as hard.

Once she’s the boss, rumors flutter through.

Yet when she stays quiet, she gets overlooked.

 

Constant awareness of her surroundings, makes her paranoid.

Not paying attention, she becomes victim, and then she's the one to blame.

 

Dresses fashionably, she's too into her looks.

Dresses in something that makes her feel confident and sexy, she's told she's asking for the hook.

She covers up, and she's a prude,

There’s no winning in her wardrobe.

 

Double standards is a thing of the past?

Ask any woman, and it continues to be a daily fact.

 

Come together, both woman and man,

We must stand as one,

For equal rights no matter what the sex/gender outcome.

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Recap on 2018

2018 was a year full of growth, strength, and more self awareness. The year started off a bit rocky being that I didn’t have a job to go to and I was still in search to continue my career. However about two months into the new year I was working once again, but in a position I didn’t really want to be in. Regardless, I needed to work so I put my ego aside to do what I had to do. A month or so into the position, my employment work was shut down again. Fortunately it wasn’t anything based on my performance but more so on the companies performance due to financial instability. In result, I was laid off once again.  

Still searching for work I became discouraged. Yet I knew that the career path I chose was the one I wanted to stick with.


Going into March, I was still looking for work, and at this point I was searching outside of my city and state. A friend of mine posted a job opening at her current company in Seattle and I sent her a message in regards to this. Seattle had been my second choice as to where I would like to move, and after a few weeks back and forth I was set with an over the phone interview. Needless to say I was job offered and off to start my new chapter in a new city and state.

As some of you may have read in previous posts, there was a lot of ups and downs, but mainly ups. I learned a lot in my new position and learned a lot about myself as well. I grew into a more responsible person and learned more about myself. I was exploring a brand new city and state so there was and continued to be awe in every new experience. 

Because of my time away from friends and family, I came to realize who was important, what was important. I also came to the realization that I was very much capable of doing things I set my mind to.  


Roughly 6 months into my new position I started to look for other work more related to my career path. Applications on applications nothing was biting. Then, I was contacted via email about a great new opportunity at one of the big tech companies in Seattle. After two phone interviews and an exstensive in person interview, I was job offered! 


9 months working at a position that made me make a great leap of faith, I was grateful for the opportunity and luckily was working for a company that understood my position and my career goals. 

Because of their support, I was wished good luck and thanked for the work I accomplished.  I am forever grateful for the steps that have lead me to this brand new year and career chapter. 

I am excited for what is to come in 2019! 

 

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Never Give Up On Your Dreams

As this year comes to an end, and the holidays are in full effect, I can’t help but take a look back at 2018. The year started off rocky, with yet again starting the year without a job to go to due to being laid off. It hasn’t been the first time I had been laid off as a working woman, but it sucks every time. The good thing about being laid off is that I know it wasn’t because of my work performance. Usually, it was due to budget cuts or there was just no more need for my work. Which ironically meant that my work had been done.

Although I have had some setbacks when it came to working and my career, I never gave up on going forth for what I really wanted. I’ve taken risks, gone out for work that would give me experience, even if it was for a short amount a time. But I always made sure I would leave my mark and with a good taste of my name.

Jobless for almost three months, endless applications filled out and submitted, nothing was biting. I wasn’t only applying in my general area but was looking at other California cities and even other states. I posted something on Facebook asking my friends and family if there were any openings. At that point, I just wanted to work and would take anything that would pay me more than minimum wage. I knew that it wasn’t my career of choice once I did come upon something, but at least I could still look for work while being able to pay all my bills on time. Then, my friend, who had recently moved to Seattle, told me that there was an opening in her office for a bilingual receptionist. After thinking about it I was like, well sure, what do I have to lose? There is nothing for me here.

After waiting a few weeks, I got the call from who would become my future boss. She liked what I had to say and took into consideration that I was more than what the “role” was set out to be. She offered me the job, and with a little bit of negotiation on pay, I accepted and started making things happen for my move to Seattle.

A brand new adventure, as some of you, have read and or watched on my Youtube channel, but I made it two states north. Although I was technically the “receptionist”, my boss recognizing my skills, had me manage certain marketing ads and strategize certain parts of the recruitment business. I was even lucky enough to join the team in Puerto Rico for an event. I helped with other admin and office duties and was trusted to lay out a marketing plan for social media.

Once the season started to slow down and there was less work for me to do, I started getting that longing feeling again. I loved that my boss used my skills during the busy season, but I was still hungry to find that stepping stone to continue on the path of my career in advertising. I started to apply to different openings almost every day. Some bit, some didn’t, but I was not going to give up. I was then contacted about an opportunity opening up for one of the major tech companies in Seattle. I accepted to speak to the representatives and after three interviews, I accepted the new position!

I’m not going to give away where that is, but I will say that I start my new career journey in January. I am grateful to my friend who told me about the opening in Seattle, which caused this leap of faith. I am also very grateful for my current position and having them recognize my skills. But now, it is time to move on to something I am very glad to say will be a MAJOR stepping stone for my career. Those that are close to me know where I will be heading come 2019. These same individuals know how much I've struggled and stayed committed to finding the right paths towards my ultimate career goal. I want to say, Thank You. Thank you for staying by my side and being that support that I needed. Time and patience will show you that things will happen when the time is right. Sometimes it takes risks and a leap of faith in yourself to know that you will get there. Never give up on your dreams, because if that fire is still burning, your ambition and opportunity will follow.

Poetry - Relationship Status: Growth

Every relationship has been a lesson…

A lesson for patience taught me to be strong

A lesson of hate, taught me to love myself.

A lesson in trust, taught me that not all are the same.

A lesson in faith, brought on more ambition.

A lesson alone, taught me to find myself anew.

I loved them all, flaws and all.

Fell in love with just a few.
But all of them taught me a lesson or two.

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Stop the Stigma

In the media, there has been a lot of focus on the woman and young girls. Why? Due to recent politics and events, there has been a mass discussion of the woman and equal rights. Despite what your beliefs are, who are we to say that a woman is less than a man? Or that a man can’t amount to the same skills as a woman? We are all under the same homosapien umbrella. Yes, there are certain things that only certain sexes can do, but who/what makes us want to separate the two?

Society is constantly placing two categories on two different sidelines. This categorizing goes way beyond sexual orientation but goes to include the color of our skin, where we live, what we believe and how we see the world. Society is always going to pin one against the other. In this case, we are seeing men and woman at a constant battle of the sexes.


In light of recent political events and movements, we are seeing a BIG outspoken voice. Woman are done working twice as hard to “amount” to the same skills as a man. Furthermore, once she gets to that point in power there are still those (mainly men) intimidated by the fact that there’s a woman in authority. There are so many double standards to the opposite sex it’s TIRING!

I feel that society is falling backward with all its past accomplishments. Woman have been fighting for their rights for more than 50 years, and that’s just in the US. There are still many women worldwide that don’t even come close to the success that woman in the US has accomplished. Why are we shaming woman? Why are we categorizing them as the “weaker” sex? Yes, this may sound like a feminist rant to you but is it really feminist if we are just asking for society to treat us (woman) in the same respect as they do a man? No. It’s an equal opportunity.

Speaking of equal opportunity, if this is true, as many contracts to work have so stated, then why is the woman still having to work twice as harder than a man in the same company to reach the same pay? Why are woman subjected to ridicule and crude jokes of “blowing” her way to the top? Just because she is female? A man in power get’s respect but a woman in power gets mocked.


Another subject to touch on-reproduction. Why are we trying to control women's bodies? What a woman decides to do with her body is her choice. No one has a right to justify that choice but her. Why aren’t men being pulled into this responsibility? It does take two to tango. It does take a SPERM and an EGG to reproduce. Why should the woman be thrown into the corner as to what she decides to do with HER body?


There have been many women throughout history who have broken through the barriers and shown the world that woman are capable too. There have also been a woman in our own lives that have broken the chain of command in our family dynamics. Why should it be 50/50? Why not 100/100?

Men and woman should be treated equally, regardless of the color of their skin, sexual identity, and their beliefs. We are all human. As a millennial, much of our generation is aiming towards a better tomorrow. Bringing more light onto worldly matters and country systematics that needs to be changed and continued to fight for. The march is not over, it has only begun.

Poetry - Heart On My Sleeve

I love deep.

I fall hard.

I’m the one to go above and beyond.


Away,

And close,

No matter how high.

I know you’re the one I can’t let pass me by.


It took a while for me to see.

But you truly are the prince I dream.

Late at night, in the dead of silence,

I think of you in the cadence of brightness.


You fill my heart with joy,

And that I can’t ignore,

Because you are the one I’ve been craving for.

Young. Wild. & Frustrated. - Suicide

I’ve written on this subject before. And I will continue to speak upon it. Suicide is still a word laced with venom. People don’t want to talk about it, and when it is talked about there are many…

They should have seeked help…

That’s a stupid reason to want to die…

I never saw it coming…

Suicide affects everyone and anyone. It does not matter what age, gender, religion, country or distinctive to one group of people. Suicidal thoughts can occur in whatever stage in life, and it comes in many forms. Depression being the leading factor along with mental illness such as Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, personality disorders and substance abuse.

I believe that many people don’t like to touch on this subject because it is a very hard subject to understand. Every person who has committed suicide has had their own reasons and logic to ending their lives. It’s hard to understand their stories and to step into their minds when they’re all alone, all we merely see is the surface of their emotions.


Many of us also don’t know how to handle a person who ha(s/d) suicidal tendencies. Even when they ask for help, whether bluntly or subliminally, many of us, come to freeze on the topic, not knowing what to say or do. 

When confronted with someone who is having suicidal thoughts, here are some things you can ask to get a conversation started and to seek help—

HOW TO START THE CONVERSATION

"I have been feeling concerned about you lately."

"Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing."

"I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately."

QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK

"When did you begin feeling like this?"

"Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?"

"How can I best support you right now?"

"Have you thought about getting help?"

WHAT YOU CAN SAY THAT HELPS

"You are not alone in this. I’m here for you."

"You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change."

"I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help."

"When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage." 

(source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm)

But most importantly, you must be genuine in your actions. I’ve had a number of people in my life that have come forward to having suicidal thoughts or have attempted suicide. It’s never easy, and everyone had their own stories.

The first person that told me they cut to releave the pain was 12 years old. It came up while watching The Craft, where one of the main characters was a cutter. My friend at the time, said nonchalantly, ‘that’s not they way to cut if you really want to die’. Thinking it was an odd thing to say, she lifts up her sleeve and shows me her scars, some of them still fresh. She looks at me and says, ‘this is the proper way’. I was never taught to react to this sort of situation, I knew what I was seeing wasn’t right, but I was asked to not to say a word. I didn’t.

Fortunately, my friend fought through her depression, or at least took measures to better her mental health, and is now living life with a husband to support her and three beautiful children. Despite the fact that I didn’t know how to react to her confession, I should have never kept silent.


Some statistics on suicide:

“Close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year, which is one person every 40 seconds. Many more attempt suicide. Suicide occurs throughout the lifespan and is the second leading cause of death among 15-29 year olds globally

Suicide accounted for 1.4% of all deaths worldwide, making it the 18th leading cause of death in 2016.”
(source: http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/)

These statistics are taken on a worldwide scale. However what I would like to focus on are those tied to bullying, and most commonly now—cyber bullying. Most recently, a story came out about a 9 year-old boy, allegedly committing suicide due to him coming out as gay.

Elementary schools are seeing a rise in suicide numbers. Many reasons as to why are still unknown but what they have come to see is that many of these children were being bullied to end their lives—

“Schoolmates called Sellars gay and made fun of his clothes before he took his life in Akron, Ohio, in May, his mother told reporters at the time. After his death, his older brothers were taunted on Snapchat and Twitter. His mother said some suggested they should kill themselves, too.  

Stormiyah Denson-Jackson, 12, was bullied at her Washington, D.C., boarding school, her mother told a local television station. When the girl reported it to school officials, her mother said, she was herself accused of bullying. She was found dead in her dorm room in January. 

Taye was assaulted by a fellow student in a school bathroom two days before he hanged himself in Cincinnati in 2017, his family said...”

(source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2018/09/10/rising-child-suicide-defy-answers-prevention-month/1197113002/)

More reports have come out in recent years about youth committing suicide due to hate. Hate towards their race, gender, and overall presence. The unfortunate stigma in social media, is the need to be liked. To show your followers you have it all and are #livingmybestlife. Posting photos for follows or posing in ways a youth should not be posing.

Where do they get these examples?—profiles of such Instagram famous models or celebrities. It is seen every-single-day. These “influences” lead the ones wanting to fit in, to pick on those that don’t follow these “social guidelines”.

Fortunately there are also those in social media who use their platform to promote positivity. This being overall LOVE. Love for yourself, your flaws, and to look past the hate(rs). The world is already an angry place and we don’t need to keep adding to it.

In light of recent actions, shootings, hate crimes, and government reign, there have been more people coming out to speak on such taboos: gun control, racial injustice, suicide and mental health.  These people, strong enough to speak up, and even stronger to voice the words of those who can’t, or are too afraid, give light to something that remains in the dark.

It’s okay to talk about suicide. It’s okay to not be okay. We shouldn’t shut off people for feeling HUMAN.


NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 

1-800-273-8255

Poetry - Sweetness

Thoughts of the softest touch,

Such as a lovers kiss.

A touch so sweet, sends my whole body into bliss.

 

Honey's sweet,

but you are too, 

I can never get enough of you. 

 

Nectar drips from my lips,

I let it consume, 

For I never what to be rid of the taste...

Of you.

 

 

 

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Self Worth

Self Worth: 

Noun; The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. 


This seems to be a trending topic when it comes to Millennial adults. Many of us are hash-tagging, captioning and pumping each other up with these two words. But why? Why do we feel that we need to be consistently reminded of our self-worth? I think the reason is that since the boom of the internet and social media, Millennials are the last real generation that remembers what it was like when there was no social media. And bullying was just "regular" bullying. But now, Generation Z's are being targeted not only in person but also through social media. We see more people body shaming, slut shaming, posting things to just get a rise from a significant other or trying to PROVE our self-worth.

What I have also come to see more of is people posting memes or joking around about the other woman/man in their life. Making it seem okay to have your cake and eat it too. Implying that real love does not exist anymore or that it is rare to find. I feel social media has corrupted this "finding the one" for generation Zers and for many Millennials as well. Which brings the reason for this topic of self-worth.

Despite what social media has let us feel about ourselves or that we want the world to see we have our shit together, there are still many people, for the sake of this topic, woman, that feel low with their self-worth. This can be many reasons, some of which may include: not being as fit or as thin as that girl you follow on your Instagram. Not having that beautiful hair, and for many of the woman I have communicated with, their self-worth is usually highly questioned when they've been through heartbreak or have been rejected by someone they really cared for. 

Personally, I fall into all categories. Granted I have since come to recognize my self-worth, but there are times I do question why I wasn't enough, or if it was just me. Nonetheless, I have come to realize what my self-worth is, by knowing who I am. That's where it starts.

Being okay with being alone, and being by yourself with yourself. Really taking the time to see the person you really are and falling in love with your essence. Your good qualities, your personality, your flaws, and generally what makes you, you.

There are still days when I start to think about the hurt I went through and the people that have hurt me to make me question my self-worth. It still hurts when I think about it but because I have taken the time to fall in love with me, I know that I'm a great person, and it wasn't me. I was just not the one meant to continue my life with that person(s). Thus I remind myself of my good qualities and the things that I have to offer. It may sound conceited but all you're doing is a power stance to yourself. 


Why I chose to speak on this subject is because I feel that this topic has been brought up pretty often in conversations I have with girlfriends of mine. Furthermore, much of the reasons why we (woman) question our self-worth is because someone (usually a man) made us question it. Commonly it being the man we were in love with or interested in, chooses someone else rather than us, regardless of how long/little we were with that person or the type of relationship we had. Once the break-up happens, and soon after they end up with someone else while we're still trying to heal, it gets to our self-esteem even more. This is where a woman really questions their self-worth. (NOTE: I am not blaming men, I am just referring to personal experience and to those close to me.) 

This can take a few weeks, to months, to years to get yourself out of the slump. But you can't let it take over your life. I've had friends that compare themselves to the other person their ex is now with, myself included. I can see the hurt in their eyes, the pain they feel when they speak of that person. I recognize it because I have been there too. 

Males and females question their self-worth. However, we will never find it if we don't take the time to truly fall in love with ourselves. Only then will we realize who we really are and what we have to offer. It sucks, and we will still come upon those moments when we're all alone and start to think about the times we felt our lowest and question, "why not me?". That's when we do a power stance to ourselves and point out all the good qualities. 


We all have something to offer. However, we are not everyone's type and vice versa. We may meet people in our lives and question why it never happened, and daydream of the what ifs. Along with comparing ourselves to the other person they do end up with, which causes us to question our self-worth.

But, I strongly believe that we meet people for a reason. We become close to some to teach us lessons about ourselves and to grow. It may not always be you, as much as you want it to be, but think about the other person thinking the same about you. The best thing we can do is know who we are, and not waste our time with people who don't see what we have to offer. 

Till this day I still do a power stance to myself. Almost thirty and I am still dealing with self-esteem, after all, everyone does. We think it's an adolescent emotion but it travels with us throughout our lives. We just learn to grow. And most importantly, we learn to really appreciate ourselves. That, is self-worth. 

Young. Wild. & Growing. - Company With Yourself

I've always been that person to enjoy another's company. When I was younger I was afraid of being alone and would always bug someone for attention. Till this day I still bug people for attention, haha but like my mother says, 'You're still an attention hog', like mother like daughter.

I like being social, but at the same time, I can be really shy. When I'm in a new situation or around people I don't really know, I tend to hold back a little. But as I get more comfortable I become more talkative. The worst thing though is when you try to make conversation or be a part of a conversation and the people look at you weird; this used to set me back from approaching people. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that these people are not the people I want to be around. With this realization, I tend to find my own crowd or just wander off on my own. 

Even though I am sociable and crave the attention every so often, I have since grown away from my shyness (although it still happens on occasion). I have also come to enjoy my own company. I have friends who are afraid of being alone and always seek that company, even if that company isn't the best. But as I try to explain to them, yes it's scary being alone, AT FIRST, but once you find that inner peace of being by yourself, you start to really see the person you are. You start to pursue things that attract you physically, mentally and give you jitters to even approach. However, that's the best part! You are challenging yourself to explore, to really see what YOU are about without anyone else painting the path for you. 


I came to realize this at an early age and would slowly start exploring on my own. Just me myself and my thoughts. My favorites of such exploration are hiking or being on the beach. Enjoying the fruits of our nature and hearing nothing but the music in my headphones or reading the words in my latest book. Even better was finding that one spot, away from the crowd and all I can hear peace. Peace of nature's sounds and the peace of my own thoughts, as I live in the beautiful moment that surrounds me. 

Even now, living in a new city where I don't know anyone, and the only company I have is my roommates, whom one I see during morning passing or an evening dinner, and the other travels so often that there has been little time to really enjoy this new adventure together. With this, I did reside in my shyness again, thinking often of home and missing those I would socialize with. But again, I remembered, that it's okay to go out and do things alone, to go explore and check out the scenery. To go to a concert to see that artist I've been wanting to see without having someone next to me. Also to just sit out in nature and appreciate Her beauty. 


Back in San Diego, I used to do things on my own a lot. Including going to bars to enjoy the latest art show exhibit, or to support a friend and their music. I recall people approaching me, men mainly, asking who I was there with, and I would say-myself. The reaction was always the same, 'why'? And I would say, 'why not' I'm here for this reason so I came. And they would give me a surprised look or look at me weird, like why would a woman be out here on her own? Why not? Of course, there are certain rules you should follow when female and alone at a bar or walking to your car after a night out. But that shouldn't stop you from enjoying yourself. I learned to be confident in my independence and happy to be surrounded by my own company and enjoy seeing the things that I want to see. Sure, the company always makes it better, but we should all learn to be content on our own.


I truly believe I have learned more about myself being alone than with others. Because when you're by yourself, there is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide who you truly are, and no shame in being TRULY YOU! Once you reach that inner peace, no one can rain on your parade. Yeah being humans we do need to socialize, but we also should take time for ourselves. In the end, you're living your life for you and no-one else.

Poetry - Silent Melodies

I miss the times of silence.

Consumed by music and thoughts of life. 

Enjoying the melodies together, without having to say a single word to connect. 

Just a look would do. 

A simple acknowledgment of the parallel that consumes us. 

Nothing but a simple silent melody and appreciation for the company.

Young. Wild. & Growing. - First Visit Home Since My Move

I recently traveled back home to San Diego for a good long weekend. I was so excited to be heading back home to see my family, friends, and my dogs. However, when I landed in San Diego, and got onto that Lyft and was being driven to my destination, I found myself feeling a certain way. I was excited to be home, but for some reason it all felt so surreal. I remember thinking to myself, why do I feel this way? Then I started to mentally jot down all the possible reasons...

  1. I moved away to start anew
  2. San Diego, even though I grew up here, it doesn't quite feel like home anymore
  3. Will things still feel the same?
  4. My gosh it's so hot, I'm not used to this anymore

As I reached the front of my parent's house, I thought "I'm home." As I went up the driveway and knocked and rang the doorbell like a crazy person, I was welcomed by a big warm smile and bear hug from my abuelita. It was so nice to feel her embrace again, I hadn't felt that in three months! As I brought my luggage into the house I see my dogs going crazy in the backyard. Both of them jumping on the glass door and wagging their tails uncontrollably. They too greeted me in a way that made my heart soar. 

As I walked up the stairs to my old room, I couldn't help but feel the house so empty. Especially when I walked into my old room and all the walls were pretty much bare for the exception of a few frames and artwork of mine. Again that feeling of being home, but it not being home was present once more. 


Once my mama and my stepdad got home and got all the love only a mother can give, we all conversed as family dinner was being prepared. Once my sister arrived from work, we all sat down and everything seemed to pick up right where we left off. My sister and I still going at it with our weird inside jokes that no one else understands and my mama asking what my plans were during my visit. That's when it really felt like home.


My visit consisted of art shows, catching up with friends, getting my dance in, family time, and a friends birthday shoot, (photos will be edited and posted soon on my website: lizettphotography.com).

It was nice catching up with everyone and getting that "we've missed you" feeling every time. I also came to notice that a lot of my friends don't get together as much as they used to when I was still living in San Diego. In conversation, I made a joke about me being the glue to the group, and my girlfriend said, "Well you kind of were. You were the only one that made the effort to get us all together. Everyone is just doing they're own thing now and everyone's schedule is different so we don't get together as much anymore." I couldn't help but feel sad and happy; sad because my friends aren't all as close anymore, and happy to know that I was/am that person to bring everyone together once again. I mentioned this to one of my other friends as I said goodbye and he told me, "Welcome to adult life." 


As I left San Diego, I was sad to go but so happy to go back home to Seattle. Even though I miss my family and my friends like crazy, I know I need to stop being a hermit and get out there and make an effort to explore and meet new people. As an adult, it gets harder to make friends in a place where you don't really know anyone because the majority have already established their lifestyles and their groups. But the plus side of this is that I can start looking to get more involved in events around my neighborhood or attend certain classes or workouts where I can meet more new people.

Leaving San Diego and coming back to visit, made me realize that I made the right choice for myself. I made the right choice in wanting to start a new chapter, in a new city and a whole new place to explore and find my niche spot. I also came to the realization of that surreal feeling, it's not that I was missing San Diego as much, it was that I was missing the people I left behind. And now knowing that even with the distance, they are still, and always will be connected to my heart. Just as long as I make the effort to keep myself in the loop and knowing that they miss me just as much as I miss them.

 

Young. Wild. & Growing - First Work Trip

Last week I was lucky enough to be a part of joining my team on a work trip to Puerto Rico. I've been with the compnay for about three months now and to be chosen to go on a 4 day work trip to a beautiful island was amazing. The fkying kind of sucked but it was definetly all worth it.

I was given the opportunity to learn a whole new aspect of my job and learned a lot more about my companies' work. Not going to lie, it was nice going to a beautiful island where the company paid for all your expenses. Haha.

Since it was a company trip there was of course lots of work involved. It was almost a tease being on such a beautiful island and not really being able to explore. However I am always and forever grateful to be chosen to take part of this business opportunity. It gave me a big ounce of respect to my coworkers who travel constantly for work. It is tiring and involves late nights and time changes. But it's what the work entails. 

Met some great people who are also a part of the company, based in Puerto Rico. Hearing about the unfortunate natural disaster that hit the island not too long ago. There are still parts of the island that don't have electricity, and the people are still rebuilding. But the culture and the drive of the Puerto Rican people keeps going. The smiles don't fade and the love for culture still runs deep. I personally loved the fact that everywhere we would go salsa or reggeaton was blasting through the speakers.

It was overall a very rewarding experience. It has given me the opportunity to learn a new trade for my work and learn new business. 

Always keep learning and absorbing your surroundings. You're never too old to keep learning and exploring!

Young. Wild. & Growing. - First Birthday Away From Home

This past week/end I celebrated my 29th birthday. This was my first birthday away from home. It's hard to explain the emotions I was feeling but the dominant feeling was blessed. I made a point to record everything surrounding my birthday festivities. From the point of waking up and the FaceTime with my abuelita and mama. In which you can't hear anything but they still played the mananitas for me and of course my mama made me cry. Nothing could spoil my day and the whole day my phone was just blowing up with the birthday love. 

Being away from home, family and friends is really hard but my birthday made me realize how luck I am to have the people I consider family in my life. I'm lucky to have a roommate who is also a very good friend be here to celebrate this new journey. It was bittersweet to get all the love but it was SO greatly heart-warming!


I won't give you all the details as to what happened on my birthday or the birthday weekend because I am planning on incorporating it all into a video for my YouTube channel. If you are not following yet, or want to keep an eye out for that upcoming video and take a look at others,  please do so here: Natalie Letona


Another first for me was not being able to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mama and my family. Seeing the pictures and receiving the text messages from everyone made me feel even farther away. I would have loved to share those moments with them.

As I've gotten older I have so much more appreciation for family. There are moments that we can't recreate, and I wish I was present for all those moments. But that is life, and all we can do is take advantage of those occasions as much as possible. 

That being said, it was an overall first for me this week and weekend. It's all part of growing up and we all have to do it. But I am forever blessed to have such amazing people in my life!